Plot 10 out of 20
An oddly assembled group of young people are detoured through a hillbilly infested town called Pleasant Valley, just in time for the Guts and Glory Festival. 3 college slackers, 2 sorority chicks and their gay friend, and a black biker and his Chinese girldfriend. Racial jokes abound. As the evening progresses, and members of the group start to disappear, you realize that the good citizens of Pleasant Valley are bloodthirsty cannibals, with an imagination ripe for mutilation.
One by one, the kids are slaughtered, butchered, and consumed, in the usual order, from slut to "hero", until the usual suspects escape. Or do they?
Big Bad 15 out of 20
This is purely FUN! Confederate, cannibal, hillbillies. Generally, hillbillies scare the crap out of me. These hillbillies are hilarious (especially the kid that keeps losing his pants while chasing his pet sheep), and slightly lovable, it their horrible way.
Hero 1 out of 20
The good ol' Southern Boy that saves his girlfriend and escapes, was pathetic to the end.
Effects 10 out of 20
The disemboweled armadillo was amusing. Watching "Miss Pussy" get drawn and quartered in the first 30 minutes of the flick was AWESOME!! The Milkmaid's special "moonshine" led to a horrible death. I don't know if my favorite part was when they juiced the black guy, or the metal-mouthed blow-job. The effects were your run-of-the-mill, B-move gushers, but so much fun, they were forgivable. The eyeball full of maggots was the worst.
Bonus 20 out of 20
A reappearance (prelude?) of/to Grim and his dog Dr. Mambo! Robert Englund as the crazy confederate mayor!! The return of Giuseppe Andrews as the tortured Southern poet type? Mega points for the minstrals. And the end? Perfection!!
Total Points 56 out of 100
Final Judgement Worth It
Well worth it! Rent it!! Watch it!! Love it!! I plan on buying it. This is one of those little known gems of the genre.
Monday, October 6, 2008
Sunday, September 28, 2008
The Haunting of Julia
Plot 10 out of 20
Julia's daughter dies at the breakfast table, Julia has a nervous breakdown and leaves her husband, buying a house and trying to start a new life on her own. Unfortunately, the house she's moved in to is haunted by dead children. I have to admit, I have a thing for the older, 70's era horror films. They're a bit... classier? Not as scary, but definitely spookier. And besides this, I've never seen Mia Farrow in anything but Rosemary's Baby, which leads me to the theory: Mia Farrow is the Original Scream Queen?
Big Bad 5 out of 20
So there's this little girl that had a group of boys that she ordered to kill cats, and dogs, and eventually, a kid. She also taught them about sex? Then her mother killed her and she haunts a house, still killing people. She's bad, but she doesn't make a huge impact on the movie, if that makes any sense.
Hero 0 out of 20
As far as I can tell, there is no hero. Mia Farrow looked like she was the hero, but then she opted to... join the little girl in death?
Effects 3 out of 20
Fantastic use of suspense, and off camera calamity. Also, creepy ass, cymbal banging clown toy = not cool.
Bonus 2 out of 20
Hard left with the remaining boy (now grown) telling Julia about the murderous little group.
Total Points 20 out of 100
Final Judgement Worth it.
It's apparently a classic. Not as good as Rosemary's Baby, to put it in perspective. It's worth it if you have nothing better to do on a Sunday afternoon. Don't spend money on it though.
Julia's daughter dies at the breakfast table, Julia has a nervous breakdown and leaves her husband, buying a house and trying to start a new life on her own. Unfortunately, the house she's moved in to is haunted by dead children. I have to admit, I have a thing for the older, 70's era horror films. They're a bit... classier? Not as scary, but definitely spookier. And besides this, I've never seen Mia Farrow in anything but Rosemary's Baby, which leads me to the theory: Mia Farrow is the Original Scream Queen?
Big Bad 5 out of 20
So there's this little girl that had a group of boys that she ordered to kill cats, and dogs, and eventually, a kid. She also taught them about sex? Then her mother killed her and she haunts a house, still killing people. She's bad, but she doesn't make a huge impact on the movie, if that makes any sense.
Hero 0 out of 20
As far as I can tell, there is no hero. Mia Farrow looked like she was the hero, but then she opted to... join the little girl in death?
Effects 3 out of 20
Fantastic use of suspense, and off camera calamity. Also, creepy ass, cymbal banging clown toy = not cool.
Bonus 2 out of 20
Hard left with the remaining boy (now grown) telling Julia about the murderous little group.
Total Points 20 out of 100
Final Judgement Worth it.
It's apparently a classic. Not as good as Rosemary's Baby, to put it in perspective. It's worth it if you have nothing better to do on a Sunday afternoon. Don't spend money on it though.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Audition
Plot 10 out of 20
Okay, the problem with this plot is that it's so multi-layered, it's hard to follow. Widowed father decides to re-marry, holds an audition to pick up on unsuspecting girl, gets himself into a whole bucket of shit, including torture by accupuncture. But then there's a pervy old man who likes to burn the girl's thighs with hot rods. And mutilated man with no feet that lives in a giant sack in her house. It's creepy and gorey enough to be a horror movie, but plays out more like an extremely twisted lifetime movie of the week.
Big Bad 15 out of 20
She's not big, and she's so crazy, she's extremely bad. She attacks on the sly, otherwise it would be easy to fight her off. In the end, she's as scary as she is adorable.
Hero 0 out of 20
No points here, because the idea of holding an audition to meet the girl of your dreams, while the fantasy of every frat boy and reality show, is not the smartest way to start a relationship. And honestly, when your best friend and your son tell you to back off because she's crazy, you should listen. The only real hero here? The teenage son that comes home and saves his dad.
Effects 20 out of 20
They were subtle, they were used mainly in flashbacks, and they were oh, so effective. It was enough to make me flinch at times, especially the shot of her man-in-a-sack crawling out and eating his *cringe* dinner.
Bonus 3 out of 20
1 for the horrible sound she makes while inserting the accupuncture needles. 1 for the resourcefulness of the son fending her off in the end. 1 for the realistic death. There were no cliche, western-style moments. When she died, she was dead.
Total Points 48 out of 100
Final Judgement:Worth it.
This is the creepiest, most disturbing flick I've seen in awhile. Despite the low score, it's definitely worth it, if only to see why it was featured on Bravo's Top 100 Scariest Movie Moments. Rent it.
Okay, the problem with this plot is that it's so multi-layered, it's hard to follow. Widowed father decides to re-marry, holds an audition to pick up on unsuspecting girl, gets himself into a whole bucket of shit, including torture by accupuncture. But then there's a pervy old man who likes to burn the girl's thighs with hot rods. And mutilated man with no feet that lives in a giant sack in her house. It's creepy and gorey enough to be a horror movie, but plays out more like an extremely twisted lifetime movie of the week.
Big Bad 15 out of 20
She's not big, and she's so crazy, she's extremely bad. She attacks on the sly, otherwise it would be easy to fight her off. In the end, she's as scary as she is adorable.
Hero 0 out of 20
No points here, because the idea of holding an audition to meet the girl of your dreams, while the fantasy of every frat boy and reality show, is not the smartest way to start a relationship. And honestly, when your best friend and your son tell you to back off because she's crazy, you should listen. The only real hero here? The teenage son that comes home and saves his dad.
Effects 20 out of 20
They were subtle, they were used mainly in flashbacks, and they were oh, so effective. It was enough to make me flinch at times, especially the shot of her man-in-a-sack crawling out and eating his *cringe* dinner.
Bonus 3 out of 20
1 for the horrible sound she makes while inserting the accupuncture needles. 1 for the resourcefulness of the son fending her off in the end. 1 for the realistic death. There were no cliche, western-style moments. When she died, she was dead.
Total Points 48 out of 100
Final Judgement:Worth it.
This is the creepiest, most disturbing flick I've seen in awhile. Despite the low score, it's definitely worth it, if only to see why it was featured on Bravo's Top 100 Scariest Movie Moments. Rent it.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Rules of the Game
Alright, alright, alright...
So, this rumored relaunch has caused much anticipation I see...
Ah well... my fault really, I've been a real slacker here.
As you can see, I've added some material to the left *points*
And now, I've got a collection of movies to start reviewing. Wish me luck!!
So, this rumored relaunch has caused much anticipation I see...
Ah well... my fault really, I've been a real slacker here.
As you can see, I've added some material to the left *points*
And now, I've got a collection of movies to start reviewing. Wish me luck!!
Saturday, November 17, 2007
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